Excerpt from CNN news story regarding the birth of Jamie Lynn Spears’ daughter:

The father is Casey Aldridge, a pipe-layer from Liberty, Mississippi.

Oh, he lays the pipe alright. *snicker*

Wanna see the changes that pregnancy brings on? You can keep up here - link to be added to the side bar soon.

As Broad is no longer discussing politics on her site, I guess it’s up to me to bring to your attention this current act of flagrancy upon our rights, as brought to you by the Republican Rep. from Ohio:

When is our government going to realize that they cannot control or dictate the people’s right to show affection and love? This is not WRONG, people, it is an act of LOVE. Just because it does not fit in with your uptight version of the birds and the bees does not make it a CRIME.

So my husband decided to test the outer limits of my sanity and the laws of physics last week on his way to work. To hear Mr L tell it, he was entrapped blah blah blah but let me break down the details for you:

Mr L is on his motorcycle

He is being tailed hard by a bright blue Nissan 350Z

He is trying to put distance between himself and the Nissan

Nissan turns out to be a cop

Cop writes ticket for 87 in a 60

His court date is June 18th and he cannot swear into the Air Force until the ticket is cleared. His scheduled report date is June 24th, so he will have less than a week to get this shit straightened out in order to still leave on time. All for the fleeting sensation of going Mach three with his balls on fire down the highway.

This is the part where I am going to gloss over the fact that he didn’t tell me about the ticket and then later lied about it because again, outer limits of my sanity and all, BUT! I will regale how we are now shelling out $1000 to take care of lawyer fees, fines, and court costs. Because yeah, I love to spend money on stupid shit like this. Not that it’s worth the grand, but at least I have free reign to make fun of him now:

And maybe that’s not such a bad thing!

Proving once again how utterly pointless and irrelevant she is, Kathie Lee Gifford:

(more…)

So, Mr L and I had our neighbors over for dinner tonight and while they seem like totally cool people, we really haven’t had that many opportunities to hang out with them over the last year that we’ve lived here. Things were kicking along fine until I brought up the story of a friend of mine, who once tried to pick up a girl by enticing her to a game of Ass Quarters. Not familiar? Evidently he wanted to see who could drop more quarters from their ass into a cup. I know, I know, it’s shocking that she never called him. Anyways, I’m relaying this story when this little exchange takes place:

Me: “I mean really, drop from quarters from your ass? Is this the BEST he can do?”
Her: “DUDE! We’ve totally played that game before! It rocks!”
Me & L: *blink blink*
Me: “Were y’all… drunk?”
Her: “No, but it’s probably even BETTER if you are!”
Me & L: *blink blink*

At which point she then got up, walked over to my china cabinet and said, “Oooh, I love your deviled egg tray!” I started spiking my Coke with Jack for the rest of the night.

Look, guys, I’m not asking for the world. I just want modern science to put my tits back to where they were before I had kids:

Oh, and also. What happens when you finally settle that pesky lawsuit? Your hubby buys you diamonds, of course!

In my Spam box today:

Subject: LOVES LETTER - And the ways you show you care
From: Vernon Lembert adahigginsum@gmail.com
Date: May-05-2008 7:01 PM
To: xxxxxx@gmail.com

The alarm clicks on,Exciting feeling is when I talk to you.

told her it was you I miss.,enjoy spooging off,i go to sleep.

Eat your heart out, Shakespeare.

One of my closest and dearest friends, Aimee over at Hope Feels Good, delivered her twin boys this morning! Joel Cutler was born at 2:49 am and Roman Conrad at 2:50 am via emergency c-section.

Spoke with Aim this morning and she definitely sounds loopy from the drugs but says that the boys are beautiful (but of course!) and the whole family is doing really well.

Congrats!!