Day One:
Show up at the potential client’s home and ring doorbell - repeatedly. When very tired looking pregnant woman answers the door, do not bother to introduce yourself. Jump right into your spiel about how you mow all the lawns in the neighborhood and be sure to let her know that her lawn will be no different. When she tells you that she’ll have her husband contact you, give her a nasty glare.
Day Two:
Show up at potential client’s home and ring doorbell… repeatedly. When very tired looking pregnant woman balancing a toddler on her hip answers the door, tell her that her husband never called you. Tell her again that you mow all the yards in the neighborhood and she better not have anybody else mowing her yard. Roll your eyes when she tells you again that she’ll have her husband contact you.
Day Three:
Show up at potential client’s home and ring doorbell… repeatedly. When very irritated looking husband answers the door, take your hat off and apologize if you interrupted dinner (you did). Introduce yourself and explain that you live down the street and mow some of the yards in this neighborhood and were wondering if perhaps he is looking for someone to mow his. Work out an agreement where you mow and trim the yard every other week for $40.
Day Four:
Mow and trim entire yard while client is not home.
Day Five:
Show up at client’s home and ring doorbell… repeatedly. When very tired looking pregnant woman answers the door, demand payment for mowing the yard the previous day. When she explains that her husband has the money and he will be dropping it off at your house that evening after work, insist that you’ve already spoken to the husband (you haven’t) and he says she needs to pay him now. Make sure and use plenty of flying spittle.
Day Six:
Wander aimlessly up and down the street on your riding mower. Make as much noise as possible, especially during nap time.
Day Seven:
Show up at client’s home at 7:45 am and ring doorbell… repeatedly. Return an hour later since client didn’t learn their lesson and answer the door the first time. When very tired looking pregnant woman answers the door, tell her she needs her yard mowed. When she tells you no because it was just mowed three days ago, insist that her next door neighbor just called you up to complain about the condition of the yard (he didn’t). When she challenges this, glare at her and leave. Return an hour later and just start mowing anyway. Do not mow the back yard.
Day Eight:
Wander aimlessly up and down the street on your riding mower. Make as much noise as possible, especially during nap time.
Day Nine:
Show up at client’s home unannounced and begin to mow the front yard. When client comes out and tells you that you just mowed the front yard, look around dumbfounded. When she asks why you didn’t mow the back yard, tell her that the agreement was for $40 every week for the front yard only. Watch as large vein in client’s forehead begins to throb. After much insisting from the client, agree to mow and trim the back and front yard every other week for $40. Leave. Come back an hour later and then mow the back yard… during nap time.
Day Ten:
Mow the yard across the street from client at 1:45 am. Leave after client’s neighbor threatens to call the police. Be sure to drive the riding lawn mower very slowly down the street in order to wake everyone up.
So to the people who were getting slammed with ads for free drugs and Michael Jordan’s gambling addiction (wtf?!) — sorry!
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